Sad Mommy

It is no secret that I always thought that some day I would be a stay at home mom and enjoy my children as much as I wanted to but the reality is that I am a working mom. Some days I am ok with this but most days leave me feeling exhausted and defeated as a mom. SO today is a day in which I feel guilty and sorry for myself and wanted to vent. ..My boys think I work “so mommy can buy toys for us.” And I guess that makes them happy. That is NOT actually the reason.

I have been back to work for just over 3 weeks now and life is a little more hectic for us. Usually our evenings consist of running in the house hugging the boys, figuring out dinner, making dinner(or microwaving it ;(), checking backpacks and doing homework, baths, lunch packing for next day, laundry, dishwasher, cleaning the house… still need story time and nursing Sam. It is really hard to fit in time for fun and snuggles when you have 3-4 hours a day to get the house in order and life in order! Which leads me to my sad days when we pull into the driveway at the end of the day and I pray that my boys don’t notice the neighborhood kids outside because there is not time to play ;(  Don't get me wrong I love when they play with the neighborhood kids but it has to fit into our schedule and most days it is just to busy.

The other day I nursed Sam before I went to work and after work we went to Denny’s for dinner because kids eat free on Tuesdays. Sam slept in his seat through dinner. After dinner I needed to go to Target so Reece and Adam went with me and Joe took Sam home with him. The boys and I got home around 7PM and Joe was feeding Sam his night bottle…then he fell asleep for the night. I had to pump all day except for that one morning feeding. I HELD MY BABY FOR A TOTAL OF 45 MINUTES IN ALMOST A 24 HOUR PERIOD! THE NEXT TIME I HELD HIM WAS DURING HIS NIGHT FEEDING AND I WAS HALF ASLEEP! This makes me so sad… The lifestyle of a working mom can be so heart breaking.


This week I am missing both of the boys Halloween parties because I have zero sick days left at work due to my maternity leave. I feel terrible and only wish that I could be a part of these activities. I told Reece that I would not be able to come to his party and he asked “why mommy….cuz you have to go to work?” I told him I was sorry and he said “That’s ok mommy but can you still take me to school on party day?” I guess this year I will also miss the xmas parties, valentines parties and Easter parties too!!! Its feel sorry for me day but I always want my boys to know that I love them dearly and EVERYTHING that happens in their life is important to me. I don’t want to miss anything and the reality of a working mom is you miss a lot and you are forced to choose between work responsibilities and your children sometimes and it stinks! I hope that my children understand and that God gives me the strength to pull through these difficult times and be a great mom. I want my boys to remember their childhood with fond memories of our times together not the stresses of these times.   I love you much...Reece Adam and Sam!!!